


It's okay. I hurt too. Hold my hand

by Herodias



Category: The Sandman (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Experimental Style, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, POV Delirium, Siblings, The Sandman: Endless Nights, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:48:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27102970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herodias/pseuds/Herodias
Summary: Delirium has lost something, but she can’t remember what. It was important. Really, really important. Really, really, really important. But she can’t remember what it is. People say that if you can’t remember something then it probably wasn’t that important but it’s wrong because she knows it’s important and the reason she knows is that it hurts, she’s hurting, and one doesn’t hurt over unimportant things, do they?~~~Basically, the reason why Delirium had to be rescued from herself inGoing Inside
Relationships: Delirium of the Endless & Dream of the Endless
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7
Collections: Whumptober





	It's okay. I hurt too. Hold my hand

**Author's Note:**

> This fic written from Delirium's POV, so I tried to mimic her speech pattern, which means I had to forget about grammar and punctuation here and there. The result is very weird, but it was really fun to write. Hope you enjoy it too!

  
  
  


Delirium has lost something, but she can’t remember what. It was important. Really, really important. Really, really, really important. But she can’t remember what it is. It’s not her doggie, although the doggie is missing too, it was right beside her and now he’s gone. She has lost doggie but doggie hasn’t lost her, she knows he knows she’s inside, very deep inside. It’s not her doggie the thing she’s lost.  
  
People say that if you can’t remember something then it probably wasn’t that important but it’s wrong because she knows it’s important and the reason she knows is that it hurts, she’s hurting, and one doesn’t hurt over unimportant things, do they?  
  
_Doggie, it hurts and I don’t want to hurt please come help me you promised to look after me. He promised he would look after me he wasn’t scary he was my friend. It hurts._  
  
She just wanted to name all the clouds in the sky one by one. She wanted to do anything but not this why did they force her to do it she wanted to dance or play or escape. Now she is escaped where no-one can find her and she’s not happy but at least there are no people who stare with their creepy eyes. Creepy sad eyes. Creepy sad teary eyes full of stories they will forget when they… when they…  
  
What’s the word for that place where people forget stories and they used to know the truths of the universe but now they can’t anymore because their eyes are open now and everybody knows that when you open your eyes the stories fly away you’re body is a cage and stories aren’t meant to be caged they are like little fishes that fly away so far away. What is that word?  
  
It used to be a brother, maybe. The word, it was a person, or it was a place, or it was both. He wasn’t real. She made it up. Or someone made it up. Was it Death? Maybe she was alone and wanted a twin like Desire and Despair who are never alone they alway have each other. She wants a twin too, so she doesn’t have to be alone even when she is alone.  
  
People forget stories. They forget themselves too. What’s the word for that place where people forget themselves and can’t find their way out and are stuck inside with no doggie to cheer them up? Oh, right. It’s right where she is. It’s what she is. It’s Delirium. It’s the feeling of something missing but you don’t get to know what that is. Did you lose yourself? A part of yourself? A balloon? A butterfly? A kingdom?  
  
There are people inside of her. It’s no big news, there are always people inside of her, going round and round in circles, round and round they go, when there’s nowhere else to go. Round and round. The news is they’re deep inside, no-one is allowed to go that deep, it’s too much, you can’t come back, she can’t come back. If Delirium can lose the path back to outside inside Delirium, how can people who are not Delirium not lose it?  
  
Fishes swim around, they stretch for miles and miles. That’s the path the people follow. Is that the path she should follow too? Yes, she must go outside. She must find her doggie and she must find that other thingie, the thing she lost, the… the…  
  
What’s the word for a thing you made up but you like so much and you are so sad when you open your eyes?  
  
The people form a chain, a chain of hands that keeps them from drifting away so they can help so they can follow the fishes and go back together. They are looking for her. They don’t want to get lost, they care. They want to help. “It’s okay. I hurt too. Hold my hand”.  
  
Hurt, hurt, hurt. Isn’t that wonderful? My pain is your pain and we all hurt all together and we are happy even in pain for we are not alone.  
  
“It’s okay. I hurt too. Hold my hand.” She doesn’t want to be alone anymore. She wants her family back together. She holds the hand.  
  
And suddenly she’s outside. And everything feels slightly better.  
  
Doggie hasn’t lost her, he was right here, he sent help. She hugs him. “Hello, Doggie.”  
  
“You scared us. Don’t do that.”  
  
“I hurted” she says, as if it wasn’t obvious.  
  
The people are gone and she hopes they’ll live good lives. They seemed such good people they rescued her they cared they understood they were nice they hurted all together and it was very nice.  
  
“I’m sorry Doggie, I won’t leave you ever again. Ever again, I swear. I hurted. I don’t want to hurt no more. Can you help me, doggie? Can you help me stop hurting? I lost something I need to find.”  
  
“What did you lose?”  
  
Something important. Something very very very important. You can’t catch it, you can’t keep it but it must be found.  
  
“I don’t know.” And then she adds under her breath “It wasn’t scary. He was scared.”  
  
Doggie isn’t alone. Doggie has brought friends to rescue, other friends, friends who are not human. She knows the raven. The raven! She’s seen him somewhere… she’s seen him… “The land of the stories!” The friends are confused. It’s obvious to her, not so obvious to them. The land of the stories is the place where people learn before they go to the other place and forget. It has another name, whatever that is, it’s not important.  
  
And then she sees him. A ghost. Not a scary ghost, a sad one. All white and brand new from head to toes, with his little green stone. And his eyes are black and sad and ancient and there’s a story in them, the story of the whole universe, except the stories can’t escape, they shine like stars trapped in a black hole. She knows those eyes.  
  
“I know what I lost. A Dream. I lost a Dream.”  
  
" _I can help you find it._ ” he says in a funny voice. His voice was always funny but now it’s different and that’s funny too. It’s a new voice. Not better or worse than the one before. Just different.  
  
“ _If you wish so, you can come to the Dreaming. I shall help you find your dream._ ”  
  
She laughs, but it’s not funny. It’s sad. “It’s not just a dream. It’s THE Dream. Capital D. The big one. He had your eyes before you had them.”  
  
“ _Oh._ ”  
  
“He should’ve helped me find my doggie. But he gave me a friendly nightmare instead. He should have helped. Go on an adventure, me and him together. We had so much fun last time.”  
  
She can feel the tears in her eyes even if she doesn’t want to cry. They turn into black butterflies when they reach her cheeks. “It’s my fault.”  
  
“ _Delirium, it is not-_ “  
  
“I should’ve convinced him to come with me. He should’ve come to me instead of our big sister. Why didn’t you help me find doggie? Why did you DIE?” Her scream echoes in the warehouse, it multiplies, it swallows everything every colour every emotion every butterfly.  
  
The ghost doesn’t cry. He can’t. But she can see behind, and behind he cries and his tears are red, like blood, like rubies, like flowers. She can’t be mad at him. He’s not scary, he’s scared, just like the other one, even more than the other one. He can’t help her; she must help him. So she extends one hand.  
  
“Sorry I yelled. I don’t mean to be mean. I’m sad.”  
  
“ _I know. And I apologise for causing you pain. You have a right to be mad._ ”  
  
“I don’t want to be mad. You hurt. I can see. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to cry on the inside, and on the outside too. It’s okay. I hurt too. Hold my hand. We can hurt together.”  
  
The stars in his eyes flicker in gratitude. He was lost and now he’s found. He just needed someone to find him. Now she has him and he has her. He takes her hand and she knows, she just knows, this time is forever, he won’t let her go and she won’t let him go.  
  
They are not alone, not anymore. They can hurt together.

  
  



End file.
